I am a Federal agent in the pacific northwest. I have been addicted to cocaine for over a year now. I am waiting for the day they pop a random drug test on me. I lock up dealers on a weekly basis, yet I can’t stop using it. I will lose my pension, my wife, and my little girl if I am found out. I hate what I have become.
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I am so sorry if this is the case. Let your disgust drive you to change. Mine did and I could not be more proud I survived. I am sorry you got caught up and I appreciate the job you do. If the job is part of the cycle though- consider leaving.
Not enough people with a conscience these days. Good to see some still listen to theirs; I hope for you.
Look up naltrexone and the Sinclair method. You may be able to get off the drugs using this without having to see a professional. (Or perhaps it would be worth it to see a psychologist. Could you pay in cash and give false information?) Best of luck to you. But do something now before you’re busted.