Dear First Crush,
It’s been a year now and I can honestly say I don’t think of you as much anymore. You’re no longer on my mind. I no longer really care about the things that happen to you. We can laugh and talk and have a great time with each other but I don’t think I’ll ever feel about you the way I used to. The short and sweet of it is, I’ve moved on. I can never put myself through the hell that is you. At least, that’s what I tell myself, because the more I think it, the more I believe it.
I have finally realized that you will never feel about me the way I felt about you. In a way, this letter is a closing. There will always be a little part of me that smiles when I see you, but I can never go back and I don’t want to. You’re in love with her. I see it and everyone else sees it. You have issues together, but those are your problems and not mine.
If I could choose to do things differently, I would. I wouldn’t have told her. I was jealous and insecure and zealously trying to prove to her a point that’s not even important now. I know you have issues and I have finally realized what a fucked up person you truly are, but that doesn’t make the horrible thing I did to you any better. It doesn’t make me any better of a person, if anything I’m just as broken as you are.
You don’t know it, but when our friendship starting falling apart, I turned to other guys. Not good guys or really even decent guys, but guys who could make me feel better. It got to the point, they stopped being people at all to me. They were just like little pills I popped to make me forget how much I was missing you. And it sucked. It really did. But to blame you for all of my problems makes me an even shittier person than you are, and I’m fully aware that the problems I have, I started myself. And that makes it both easier and harder to deal with, but the important part is I deal with it.
Goodbye, First Crush
And honestly, I really do hope she makes you happy. You deserve it.
