Sick, exhausted, tired, empty, dead…I ‘m unable for the moment to find the exact term that describes my actual situation. I’ve had little sleep this week and lot, lot of work. I used to begin at 8 and keep the same hectic pace until past midnight.
This is another way of committing suicide, a slow one. I will keep doing what I am doing now until I breakdown. All what I dream about for the moment, is to be alone somewhere without any contact with any human being. I am tired of having to act as if I am Ok, of faking, of putting a Mask. I’m fed up with all the social pressure I am undergoing, I don’t want to feel guilty because I am not calling or visiting parents or about forgetting to wish a happy birthday for a friend, or visit another one at home. I don’t remember the last time I’ve been in contact with a friend outside the web. I am afraid of face to face encounters. I am safe behind the screen, at least I feel so.
My doc wants me to go out and walk for at least one hour daily. But I don’t want to go out. I only do when I have a session. And when I do that, I go back home directly after I finish. My stomach is hurting me like hell, I thought it was because of Lamictal but nope it’s due to stress.
