• 6 years ago
  • 210 Views

Eighteen months ago I moved across the country for a new job. I left life in a city where I fit into the culture. I had a man that loved me there, but neither one of us knew how to express that. I accepted leaving because I didn’t think it was going anywhere and my career had slumped. This was a definite boon to the future.

The problem is that I live in a place where there is nothing for me except this job, which I really enjoy. I am lonely; I don’t have any real friends with whom I can be completely honest. I miss him everyday, but I think I miss the idea of him more than when we actually spend time together. If i possess a talent, it is falling in love with guys who are emotionally unavailable.

If I stay here, I feel like my soul is slowing going to die. If I give this up and move back, then I could be going right back to the stalemate of a quasi-relationship. What I’m really looking for is an option C.

I think that life creates opportunities for us when we are ready. I don’t know if I’m ready or not yet; time will tell. I suppose this confession isn’t a question such much as a desperate need to qualify the thoughts that race through my head everyday. Everyone at my company sees me as a devoted workaholic who lives, eats, and breathes the profession – that is only partially true. After years of accepting being single, I am struggling with it now, because I always had a huge social circle. I feel the loneliness.

I just don’t know what is to become of this situation. There are no answers now. This is a totally rambling confession, but I am actually okay with that.

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