• 6 years ago
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They say Confession is good for the soul. Of course this Isn’t totally anonymous. They know your ISP and your ISP can track you back to your house. Anyway, I’m not a nut job like some of these posts… or am I? You decide. I suffer from House Husband Guilt. I’m 50, and own my own condo. The monthly Association Fees is only 285 a month for a 750 sq foot home that I do own with a legal title outright, no mortgage. It’s like a regular house except it’s “an apartment” in an condo complex. I worked only 20 of my years to buy this since say 15, and I consider myself retired early. I don’t work anymore, I have very bad vision but I Could if I wanted to. I just don’t feel the need. I have a background in Ac and Heating, sales and maintenance for apartment buildings. . About 10 years ago an old friend of 25 years a female came to live with me because she needed a place to stay with her kids. This wasn’t long after I bought the place. I was a horrible mess drinking a 6 pack of 16 oz beers almost ever night. I was depressed and lonely having one failed marriage already at 23. I am a small man and was never good at dating women. Keep in mind that I had a mom and dad that loved me though my dad died at the early age or 66. I was 20 years old at this time. – “I had a strong idea that how life worked was the man made the living and paid for the wife.” – When I was 15 I started working for the family ac and heating company becoming really good and surpassing my dad for trouble shooting a few years later when they started putting microchips in everything. This was the Early 80’s. He didn’t have the savvy to troubleshoot that new technology. We were just a mom and pop company and I made it last about 2 years after he died before I quit. I was to small for a lot of jobs by myself and I couldn’t find good workers. Anyway, I have the condo. A few years after the lady moved in ( she helped me pay “rent” since we were sharing the place.) then Hurricane Katrina hit and we were forced to evacuate to Texas. I while at the complex had someone perpetrate a crime on me by assault causing the retina in my left eye to become detached. My right eye I had already been blind in since birth. When the surgery was done at Ben Taub Hospital, I was surprised to discover I could still see almost 20/20 with glasses but over the years my sight still failed making it difficult to work.. i just got discouraged and gave up. . The government spent 12 thousand dollars for my surgery due to it being due to the hurricane. We move back to my apartment 3 months later after we had the all clear from the government. I realized at this time how precious she was to me and we started our romantic relationship. The girl had been “after me” even before she and I had I married the first time. Her husband died a few years after she married him by brain cancer.. this was before she needed a place to stay. So we grew closer.. me feeling guilty for making her pay half the rent and me steadily working odd jobs less to help make ends meat. we wound up falling in love and I was not working. She worked a full time job she was happy with. It turned out she paid more of the rent and then all of the rent,. Knowing all this she then married me 3 years ago. So now i’m a House Husband. I may bring in 50 bucks a month. She pays for all the 285 rent and all of our groceries, and I keep the house clean. – That’s All I do.. I keep the house clean.. and give her s**. She cooks but every other week or so I cook on the grill. We go to places like Golden Coral and i feel guilty cus I cant pay as the man. She brings our condo check to the office every month and I fell guilty cus I cant pay for my own place which is now half hers. I feel i am not a good man. I feel I am not a good husband, even though we love each other dearly and have been knowing each other for 33 years. In some ways, I fell like I am a failure in life but I’m NOT depressed about it.. or my situation. We are very happy together.. yet.. I still feel this huge weight of guilt on me. Even though I own a house she lives in and the “rent is dirt cheap” I feel that it’s wrong to let her pay my way. At this stage i’m not going to work another day in my life cept for odd jobs for family or friends.I don’t feel healthy enough or confidant enough. I cant lift over 20 lbs due to my eye injury. This lets me out of most work I am used to. So now i’m a lowly house husband, having to rely on my wife for everything.. she thinks it’s no big deal cus we are happy, but she doesn’t know my dark guilt. She’s happily willing to pay the cheap rent and have a long love boy toy top go with it.. it’s a bargain for her. But even though I provided a house, I still feel I am not doing what i am supposed to do. Is this just a false conditioning of those who manipulate society? i don’t know.. or am I insane.. what do you think?

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