I’m 19 years old. I’m an EMT. I am also a Wildland Firefighter. Next January I will be leaving for 6 months to fight wildfires. I hate every aspect of my life. It is miserable and I can honestly find NO reason to be happy. I have no reason to come back home after my 6 months. I have plenty of friends, but I’m just not happy. No relationships, nothing. I have nobody to talk to when I get home from work. Nobody to talk about all the dead people and critically injured people I’ve seen. All the broken bodies I’ve held. I just want somebody to talk to. My friends aren’t involved in the Fire Service or EMS so they wouldn’t understand. I just want somebody to vent to. I just want somebody to keep me from being lonely. Sometimes I just wish I would die in the line of duty. Or one day just wake up on another side of the United States in an area that I’ve never been to. Just to start my life over again. I regret the day I became an EMT because it’s only made me depressed. But I love my job too much to quit.
I’m am no way emo, or wish to do harm in myself. I just wish I could start over again.
