03-09-09(22:11:22)

  • 15 years ago
  • 416 Views

when i was 15, about a year ago, i was being homeschooled. so one day, when i was online checking my facebook; i started conversing with a guy from another country, on the other side of the world. Finland. i live in the United States. over the course of an entire year, we began to talk almost every day; and by the end of the year, we knew so much about each other; more than anyone we knew personally. we both confided in each other so much; it felt like we had known each other for our entire lives. but before we we became really good friends, i lied to him many times. i told him i lived in a different country than i did; and lied about moving, where i went to school, my parents job, my entire nationality, my birthplace, and some the languages i knew. as we became closer, i really began to regret this, and couldnt confess to him in fear that i would lose him. in the beginning of 2009, he went away to the army, and we lost contact. at this point, i had done a lot of thinking; about him. & about me. i really missed him. i felt really stupid for having a crush on a guy ive never met; but at the same time, i really liked him. i wanted to see him so badly. i began to think about him every day we wouldnt speak. thinking about how my life would be if he was in my life for real. i began to daze off thinking about how i could get a plane ticket there … i knew it would never happen; but i wished it could. things began to remind me of him. i wanted to remember him. in fact, on new years second 2009, i kissed my window with a lipgloss imprint to him. it is still there; it is now September 4th. I also cut myself for the first time in my life in August; i carved his first initial into my leg & smeared the blood next to the kiss imprint on my window. during summer 2009, i took a trip to Germany, before i flew across the ocean, i saved his phone number into my itouch; and when i got there i went to a phonebooth in the city. At the phonebooth, i dialed his number for the first time; and to my surprise a woman picked up. All she said was ‘Hallo ? Hallo’ i didnt say anything, convinced that she was German. He is Finnish, so this coulnt be right. I couldnt believe it, so i called back. The same woman picked up. I thought I had the wrong number, but when i got home to the United States, i double checked and that WAS his number. Now, He is back from the army and off to Uni; we barely speak at all now. &. when we do speak it is so awkward. it makes me sad, because we used to be able to talk for hours on end about everything. and now, its difficult to say hello. i really miss our conversations & feel really weird that i feel like this about someone ive never met. I am beginning to regret all these feelings that ive had; and im starting to hate him, as he constantly brags about girls to me. & when we do talk now, its all about him =/ i dont know whats happened to him. but i cant do ANYTHING about it. i have to let him go. ive never told a SOUL about my experience. he was one of the only guys ive ever felt like this about.

All Comments

  • Hey there :), well this is a very interesting confession i have to admit. hehe
    i can understand the sadness and the pain your going through. Think of the story as a car moving through the dessert, the story and the tale is a car moving ok? now the car is normally moving, moving, and moving at a moment it runs out of gas, the car stops, and the person inside, waits for something to happen! But nothing in fact happens. You are the person and the Finnish guy is the car, you where together talking and confessing things to each other at a moment he abandoned you, now you are left alone miserable, hurting yourself! I dont agree with you for 2 reasons:
    1. he is a person that is unfaithful
    2. you are so attached to him that you put yourself in a guarantee that he is there forever! And above all! YOU NEVER SAW HIM!

    Sweetie he betrayed you big time for not calling, and not talking back! He is dating right now i am sure!
    Now your life should go on! you will meet many people in your life! and what i could also tell you is to never believe in long distant relationship! NEVER ever, because it will never EVER work ;).

    So chill 🙂 Go swap the lipstick and the blood off your window and start a new page and a brand new life by meeting other and more faithfull people 🙂

    tc 🙂

    admin September 4, 2009 5:59 pm Reply
  • its take a lot of maturity and commitment to make long distance relationship last.

    i hate to say this but you’re still young and will meet hundreds of guys, online and offline 🙂

    dont forget him, remember him with a smile. a good friend at one point, thats it.

    Anonymous September 22, 2009 6:13 pm Reply
  • maybe he was lying too as you were making lies.. maybe its all your ( both) desire of what you can be and enjoyed it for a moment online.. that’s why i don’t like the idea of online relashionships.. even the friendships aren’t REAL! nothing’s real.. make real friendships and relationships.. and forget about him.. he’s nothing.. think about it as an imaginary friends.. i bet if you met you wouldn’t even have liked each other.. don’t try this again cause you will get nothing out of it .. MAKE YOUR LIFE AS REAL AS YOU CAN ..

    Anonymous October 2, 2009 3:22 pm Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Simply Confess