• 6 years ago
  • 304 Views

I hate my “half brother” like the devil. I don’t even like to call him a brother, even half, hence the quotation marks. I cringe whenever someone calls him my brother because as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have one. I don’t even consider that a****** family, not even a relative. He’s a complete stranger to me and I wish he didn’t consider me family, either but he keeps bugging me and my family is tring to push him down my throat. I can’t even imagine his sin ugly face in my house on Christmas, the best holidays were the ones when he was out of the country for years and I knew for sure I was a safe distance from him. He ruins everything, I hate having family meals together (even a few times a year is too much), just looking at him by accident makes my appetite vanish. He makes me anxious, tense and on edge like no one else and nobody understands the depth of my phobia of him. Yes, it is a full blown phobia and I have zero control over it. I’ve felt like this for like 9 years. Him being around triggers panic attacks and I don’t want to feel like this, especially not on my absolutely favorite holiday! Family members’ birthdays? Okay. My birthday (a week after my bday, but still)? I don’t like it but I can grin and bear it. Easter? Alright, I’ll s*** it up. But Christmas? No way in hell. I want to have this one holiday to myself without painful reminders of the past (aka this fucknut that people call my brother). Hell, I even dread talking to him on the phone! I’m an anxious mess weeks before my birthday because I know he’ll call and I can’t take his smug smartassing and condescending s***. I just want to block his number but then he’d call one of my parents and I still would have to talk to him. The only contact I want is wishing each other a happy birthday on Facebook twice a year and then thanking it. That’s all. We don’t even know each other well and his lifestyle, personality and views are complete opposites of mine. Even his appearance and stance pisses me off. Heck, merely hearing his voice does that. Imagine what I feel when he talks s*** about the things that are the dearest to me and gives unwanted, patronizing advice! Or when he insists he knows more about my chosen career than I do. If you knew anything about publishing, I wouldn’t cringe every time I see your badly written posts on Facebook, buddy! Which is fine, but then don’t pretend you have any language skills, just admit it’s not your forte. But he’s so used to thinking he’s great at everything, he can’t do that. When he thinks he’s oh-so-educated (flunked out of college and he had a ridiculously easy major) and intelligent and keeps proving how he doesn’t know s***… I wish he went back to the country he used to live in and I could cut him out of my life.

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