Alright so check this out, and bare with me, because it’s kind of a long story.
So about three years ago, in an outing with a bunch of friends, one of the people I didn’t know was a beautiful girl (who I later find out fit my unconscious type of dark haired girls). She was an actual funny person, direct as hell and my god was she hot. In any case, I didn’t do anything because 9 times out of 10, any girl I’m interested in has a boyfriend, and this one was no different. It’s whatever, I didn’t care much and I wasn’t in love or anything. This was at the beginning of summer 2014. For the sake of the story, let’s call the girl Lisa.
Near the end, as we all go at a festival, she confesses to me that she broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her and treated her like dogshit (which was half true), but the way she said it sounded like she was trying to justify herself. As it turned out, the whole time we were there, I had not seen that she had been kissing one of our good friends (let’s call him Sam). Now, Sam had known that I had an interest, but in the end he made the move and got the girl. The irony of it all is that the only reason this happened is because I decided to be decent and not get in between the eroding couple while Sam slowly had feelings creeping in which he made moves. It’s whatever, I’m still not fazed.
Fast forward one year later. To summarize 2015, she started hanging out with me more and more, relied on my emotional support while Sam banged the shit out of her, I started falling in love, confessed it to get it out of the way, got in a huge fight with her, put distance between us, she came back to me with her issues again, I saved her life, things deteriorated between her and Sam and eventually they broke up. The same weekend, Sam made a dick move in which he invited a girl Lisa absolutely loathed and it broke her. We drove back to my house and I spent an hour consoling her as she was crying her heart out. I genuinely have never felt so much sadness for someone else (I’m an empath of sorts) and I just wanted her to feel better.
For some fucked up reason I cannot explain, I was 1000% aroused as she was crying there and I was holding her in my arms. I had to like pop my ass out just so that she didn’t notice my manhood made its presence known. And I’m not talking about just my manhood, I was on overdrive and I was fighting the beast inside. I finally calmed myself AND her down and I had to masturbate furiously for an hour to let the tension out. I realized that every time she’s cried or felt vulnerable around me, it made me want to fuck her, but I couldn’t risk the friendship (either with Lisa or with Sam). Does that make me fucked up?