Now this is insanely fucked up, but I really want to be abused by my parents and close family members pretty badly. I feel so f****** jealous of kids who were abused, I can’t even think about it without hurting with envy. I want this because I really want a traumatic bad life, where I got no one. And I really really f****** want extreme PTSD. The same goes for r*** victims, s** slaves, soldiers, brutalized hostages and whatever people who went through severe human inflected trauma. I get so f****** jealous of them. I really want to be in their shoes so badly. I try to get myself in these circumstances, but when it gets close I chicken the f*** out š I know this whole confession seems really retarded, but I’m a f****** masochistic suicidal depressed self loathing teenage freak. What can ya do?
