It’s strange to me. I often cry a lot, even at very little things. But I realized when my dog died I didn’t even care. I didn’t cry. I do think of my dog but not in a feeling of sadness. I realize when I watch movies and people or animals die I don’t cry. But sometimes I do cry. I don’t get why that is, maybe it’s just depending on my mood? I also have very intrusive thoughts. Like, suicidal thoughts, homocidal thoughts and just plain weird thoughts. I’ll think of killing my family and plan out the murder in my head. Then I’ll snap out of it and realize stop that’s stupid why are you even thinking that way. But then I’ll think, that IS stupid. Stupid only because you’d never be capable of doing it. I only down myself when I think of that I’m not good enough to be able to do such a thing. Not powerful enough. I wonder if my depressive thoughts are the only thing stopping me from committing to my homocidal thoughts.
