I feel like I’m being watched at all times, either by God, the government, or another invisible being. Sometimes I feel so different that I think that I’m really an alien in disguise as a human girl, adopted by my parents to be monitored and watched growing and living with humans, and maybe I have cameras in my eyes. People treat me weirdly sometimes, like it was a public thing, and they all know and I don’t. Do they tell the artists I listen to that I listen to them? “An alien listens to our songs. Cool.” I talk to myself whenever I’m alone, and it feels like I’m either talking to god, myself, or whoever is watching me. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. Having no curtains on my windows is a nightmare. I think the government uses the camera on my phone to look at me. In public places I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me. While at the same time I feel so invisible and replaceable. I had really long hair once and I got a pixie cut and after having it for a while, I told someone how I missed my hair, and they asked “wait you had LONG hair?” Like I was a completely new person they’ve never met before. I check behind the shower curtains at least 5 times to be sure, and I have a weird fear that a snake will come out of my toilet and bite my b***. I worry the person in the mirror is someone else who moves on its own when I’m not looking. I know I have paranoia, but I can’t get help, because my parents aren’t rich and they doubt everything I say. I wish I could be ignorant and feel safe in every scenario. I’m happiest when I forget I’m watched.

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