I wouldn’t say I fall into love or obsession easily, the latter is probably more accurate for most if not all of the times it has happened. But when it happens it comes on strong. To makes the situation worse one of my coping mechanisms is to keep my distance because I’m deeply afraid of rejection, it is above all the worst thing in the world to me. I’ve fallen out of touch of the object of my desire every time eventually. My fear of rejection has kept me off social media, along with more valid reasons like privacy concerns. I think this is a big part of the reason I always eventually fall our of people’s lives. It’s also something I’m much too stubborn to change at this point. I made it through high school and ten years besides avoiding Facebook, crawling there now because I’m lonely and tired of being forgotten feels pathetic. I’m happy to be forgotten by many people, but there are a lot of relationships I would have liked to maintain. It’s bound to be too late for some at this point, and I don’t see myself changing anything any time soon. So I’m probably bound to continue being miserable.
I haven’t come to terms yet with probably never seeing the last girl. She was different, I might not have been making a mistake this time in falling for her. Despite all of my baggage we might have been able to make it work. I’d have considered making some serious changes for her but was too scared to let on about how I feel. Now I’ve disappeared from her world just like the others.
