I’ve ruined my own life. I’m always ruining my life. I failed my first semester at college. Literally every single class. I had to take out a huge loan to pay for that semester. I waited until the spring to tell my family. I took the spring semester off. I thought I was getting better. I got a job and I retook some of the classes I failed online. I applied to come back to school this fall, but I applied so late that they’re taking so long to tell me if I’ve been accepted. I can’t get housing on campus because I’m not enrolled yet. I tried securing off campus but all apartments are full. I’m suppose to go back to college In a week but I have nothing. And I haven’t told my family any of this. I just feel like I can’t tell anyone anything. And my procrastination is a long standing factor that’s destroying me. I know it’s all my fault and I’ve just ruined my own life, but I’ve been doing this for months well before I even got to college. For the last two weeks I’ve been planning my suicide. No one knows the truth about me and I’m truly disgusted with myself. I feel like I have no other choice and nothing left to do. I’m not motivated to keep going or do anything to help myself. And I hate feeling this way. I hate lying. I hate dragging my family down. And I just want everything to stop.

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