I believe I went through this life by luck not efforts. I went to the best schools up to senior high schools. I think was averagely smart, not a genius but certainly not a dumb. However, I didn’t have that talent to get liked by friends or to get into their circle. I ended up to be a loner however I forced to make friends. In the primary school, I joined the dance class. The teacher liked me and always put me as an example. But after the dance class was over, I returned to be a nobody. I often walked alone around the school after going home time, looking for broken chalks, somehow the solitude was very comforting. I also joined the boy scouts because a girl asked me to join with her and promised that I could be a leader for our team. Funny. Other team had five to eight members while my team only had two, and of course after a couple of meetings, I was the only member left because my team mate resigned. The other team didn’t want to take me in but I insist to go on, even my instructor laughed at my persistence. I even joined the boy scouts camp regional under no team. Thankfully, the kids from other schools were more friendly. They took me under their wings during the camp. Anyway, this thing kept repeating till high school. I got into clubs not because they let me but because I was persistent to stay. Crazy. By the way, I am from a poor family so after the high school graduation, I was plotted not to go to college by my parents. As usual, I was persistent to enter one, so I took an entrance test to one of the best universities in my country, for a seat in the English Literature Faculty. My luck was on my side. I was accepted. But again, I was not welcomed in the friends circle. I joined as a crew of a campus magazine, but really, I didn’t know what to do in it. I just wanted to make friends. Even my academic adviser didn’t like me. Well I often came late in the morning class, especially in her classes. So this time, it was fair. Anyway, she was kind in a way. She let me graduate without writing any thesis. Another luck? At the work place, I was a havoc. I couldn’t hold a job longer than 2 years even though it was only an English teaching job. Even one of my managers was curious on how I could survive for 3 months in another school. Well, to be honest, I love the job. I love making kids to know something that they don’t know. I love to see them growing from not being able to be able. I just hate the lesson plannings. I never did them. For the kids, I was a fun, for the management, I was a disaster. Then I got married and became a housewife. The marriage process was rough. My mother, who relied on me for her expenses, wanted my husband to also pour money on her to renovate the house to make it bigger, to buy her a car, gold jewelries, to give her bank deposits, to pay for her insurance. So, I did the greatest sin of all. I cut ties with her by saying: “Look, I didn’t choose to be born from your v*****, okay? So I don’t have the obligation to be enslaved to every tiny wish of yours just to fulfill your ambition. I’m married now. I’m gonna build my own nest and it takes money to do so. I’m gonna do my portion to support you (I have three other MALE siblings by the way) But, that’s it. I also denounce my membership in this s***** family, a ‘family’ that only think about each of their own selfish goals and ask me to pay for its cost. I do not care about your and other siblings’ opinions about this. I chose to get out and I WILL.”
Then I left the house and joined my husband’s family in another country, who treat me like a human being not as an investment. Another luck?
Anyway, I kept wondering if I’m broken. I see my friends’ pictures on Facebook. They look so happy and successful, with their family, their parents and friends. I have my husband’s family. But, you know, I wish I have my own parents and siblings who loves me for me, not because of how much I can splurge on them. Am I wrong to cut my ties with my family? Am I an evil now?
