All right I don’t usually vent, but things have been s********** out of control and I feel that someone out there needs to hear my story. I am 16, male, an honors student proactive in the community, and generally the “mature guy.” Still, this side of my life is NOT cool or mature. My relationship life is completely unknown to my family and most of my friends. This is its story.
It all started last Christmas. I am part of a coed teen youth group that I love attending every week to hang with my friends. The group hosted a Christmas sleepover party, and everyone attended. One of my friends brought along a platonic female friend, who I befriended. As the night went on, it became obvious that this girl was completely smitten with me (following me, putting head on shoulder). At the time I was elated because I had never had a girlfriend before. The group hosted a church-wide hide and seek game, and being the impulsive guy I was, I teamed with this girl and we hid in a closet. I had my first kiss and make-out session there.
The next day, she said that she would be my girlfriend and she loves me. She then became a member of the youth group, and I loved seeing her every week we met.
However, I soon realized that she had MAJOR life problems. Sometime between the Christmas party and March 2017, she suffered an accident and had brain surgery, followed by some stomach surgery to fix a chronic problem. Then I looked her up online and learned she had dyslexia and depression. As time went on, I realized she was a damaged good who latched onto me when I was weak. I couldn’t talk to her like a normal girl; I tried to be open minded, but she became a burden. To my surprise, I found I didn’t “love” her anymore or want her as my girlfriend.
One day at the start of summer she stopped attending the youth group. It seemed as if fate was kind and took her out of my life cleanly. Drunk on the experience I had with her, I began to become more “James Bond” and interacted with more girls than I used to beforehand. A benefit of this was that I gained many platonic female friends, some who I can actually vent my relationship life to! Life seemed perfect as I attended a College summer program and made many male and female friends. It seemed as if the weird girl from the Christmas party was out of my life, and I could really dominate socially.
I found myself crushing on a longtime girl in my youth group. She’s really flirty and friendly, and I felt that I actually had a chance once I got her number. We still text about life frequently.
Recently I joined a youth theater club, which was mostly girls my age (some even went to my old school, ironically). Because of the social skills I refined at the college program I was able to make friends quickly and get some numbers. I even was thinking about making one of them my girlfriend- a real girlfriend, one who was also a…friend. I know, I’m a teen- I crush on a lot of girls and think they may make good girlfriends XD.
Here’s where the problem started. Last night I went to my youth group, hoping for another great time with friends and my crush. Lo and behold- after a full half year of no-show, the Christmas Party girl shows up! I nearly s*** my pants in anger, surprise, and fear. Throughout the meeting I tried not to make eye contact with her, and went about my normal business. In the end, she pulled me aside and asked if I was mad at her. I told her “no, I just wanted to hang out with these people too”, and being the girl she is, she was fine with that. I don’t think she suspects anything, and she still (falsely) believes we are boyfriend and girlfriend.
In your eyes, I maybe be an impulsive, h**** teen who is overthinking things he created. Sure, I might be. But this all resulted from my naïveté concerning romance, love, s**, and well…relationships. I took it for granted and got the idea that girls are to be consumed, that if I say a few things they will give me the intimacy I want. I admit that I have no boundaries concerning girlfriends, and this has muddled my ability to fully enjoy friendships with girls at theater and even the youth group. Heck, I’ve been asking my youth group crush for advice about a “girl I like”- really it’s her, but I’m making it seem like it’s another girl. Am I a manipulative d*** for doing this? Maybe. I want to tell her I like her, but the issue with the Christmas Party girl last night threw it into chaos.
This rant turned out longer than I wanted. I am going mad from all this stuff s********** and climaxing last night. Take whatever you want from this. Please comment- I encourage it, so I can get some solutions. In the end, I have fractured myself through a bad first relationship and a weekly defined view on my types of female interactions.
All I hope is that this will end soon.
