• 6 years ago
  • 162 Views

u wish no one goes through what i am going through right now…
i used to be the good girl who was perfect in everything.. i used to score high grades.. used to be the top student and remained the top for several years.. then puberty striked me..
i googled dirty stuff… just reading the innocent parts of s** stories.. i wasnt interested in f****** part.. just some innocent foreplay, caressing.. and then n***** s***.. i enjoyed it those days..
i finished all the stories.. there wasnt any story which i had not read..
i feel bad because i forced my younger sister to s*** my t*** and she did.. f*** me man !!!!!!! how could i be soo brutal?????!!!!!!! it continued for about 2 weeks..
then.. the stages progressed..
i only used to read e***** stories.. no videos.. then i went to pics.. and just a sight of n*** people would give me a feeling like o*****..
i would throb .. until it gave me a feeling like peeing..
but then i went onto videos.. still no f******… then i dont know how and when i found f****** nicer and nicer.. but
i never touched myself down there until this year.. it felt good.. but then i became desensitized to screen p***.. it no more gives me pleasure..
im still a virgin…
im really in pain.. because i used to have that special place in everyone’s heart.. that good and innocent girl… i lost my innocence to p***.. behind the covers.. no one knows the dark side of me ..
and my parents.. have hopes in me.. im a failure these days.. a bad student.. a rude person who gets angry very fast.. i cant tell how much pain i have in my heart.. my heart is bleeding the tears of loneliness and depression.. everything is boring af to me these days..
i feel so dead.. i used to go to church and pray.. but now the prayers feel so empty.. like God is angry at me..
i used to feel guilty back then.. but not anymore.. im so lifeless… senseless … thoughtless.. and fucked up of devil p***..
i really wish to start afresh..
my mind only thinks p***.. even though its boring to me.. i cant focus on anything..
i hate socialising now.. hate going out… watching tv.. eating icecream.. hate make up.. all that i used to admire.. i feel no love for it..
i feel shattered.. i dont have anyone to open up this secret with.. i want to cry.. but i am not able to .. its like my brain doesnt think anymore..
God help me please..
Dear God .. this is my confession.. forgive me my lord!

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