I think I might be autistic and non-binary… but I don’t want to be known as either because most of the autistic enbies I know are melodramatic freaks with no self-consciousness. I’m extremely self-conscious. I live as a passable trans woman and go out of my way to blend in as much as I can, because I’m afraid of standing out. I pass neurotypical as well. I’ve had years to learn all those subtle cues that people have, though I read them like a foreign language.
Some days I don’t know what I want to be. Sometimes I wish I could simply stop BEING, altogether, to stop constantly fighting to stay low-key because being noticed is too painful for me, and just surrender to the void of non-existence where there’s no danger of ever getting hammered down for being the nail that sticks up.
