A lot of men have been barking up my tree. Granted, most of them were pretty undesirable, but it made me feel good to be wanted. My marriage was boring me to tears and, while I loved my husband, I was alone most of the time with the baby and so, so lonely. We had agreed to explore an open marriage, so I didn’t have any guilt over talking to several people over the course of that year. Nothing ever came of it except some flirtation and much needed attention. Once, I let a friend kiss me, but ended it quickly because it felt wrong.

Then I met you. I swiped right, thinking nothing other than “Oh, he’s cute.” Imagine my surprise when you messaged me with a clever reference to my bio. Imagine my surprise when you were so exactly what I needed. You made me smile and laugh. You reminded me of who I was a long time ago, that wild, unapologetic girl. You made me feel beautiful and you’re words were beautiful and I had to meet you. And of course, meeting was pure chemistry. We fit. I felt comfort in your touch and in the way you looked at me like I was everything. Even though we told ourselves this was nothing, I think we both felt the connection. At least, I hope we did.

I also hope we didn’t. I hope this is just lust, or infatuation, or something I don’t understand and it will pass and leave me better off without it. I love my husband so much. I can’t imagine my world without him in it. And I don’t think he would be ok with what this could be becoming. And I feel horrible when I’m not feeling elated. He’s always been so perfect for me. You honestly remind me of him in a lot of ways. I don’t want to let you go, but I’m so worried about the future. Forgive me if I break your heart. Forgive me for letting myself feel this way. I’m so sorry.

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